Need to Breathe.  The name of one of my favorite Christian crossover bands.  And the reality of my past month.

In the days of 2014, I’ve been overwhelmed with snow days, cold weather, a lack of running due to our horrible Midwest winter. I started to feel myself shut down. Close up emotionally.  And just go through the motions.

I was looking forward to a Mexican getaway vacation with my Farmer.  We were given a free trip to Playa de Carmen.  My Farmer and I needed some grownup time.  Not that we wanted to leave the kids, but sometimes you have to getaway to appreciate your spouse.  So I started counting the days until sand and sunshine.

And then we had some issues on the farm that required my Farmer to stay home.  And our Mexico trip was cancelled.  I get it.  The farm always comes first.  But I was disappointed.

Thanks to my mother-in-law, who decided she was still coming to see the kids and wanted to stay for a few days, I decided to head out and do some winery visits and other things related to my off-farm job. When trying to figure out some hotel accommodations, I decided to head up into the hills.

While enjoying some great treats with a great friend, I got a text message from my Farmer. Someone close to our family had passed away. I honestly gasped out loud. I had no idea this person was sick. Another person in our farm community is gone. And I just felt shock and numbness.

So my day has been spent up in the hills, staring at the trees. Because I’m shocked. I intended to blog, edit pictures and map out a writing plan for the next few months.  But it didn’t get done as I wanted.  I did decide I don’t want to grow up.  My friends parents are passing away.  This is the second funeral for a friends parent we will go to in the last three weeks.  I dread knowing my parents won’t be here forever.  Or my grandparents.  Aunts, uncles, cousins, friends.

I carry a very strong faith that there is a Heaven. My church upbringing taught me early that baptized believers will spend eternity in Heaven.  I hold strong to that truth.  Others may make fun of me for that, or think I’m too simple with my beliefs.  I don’t care.  I won’t every apologize for my beliefs.

In the meantime, I’m trying to breathe.  When I need to catch my breath, I know I can head to the hills.  Because I need to breath.

And no, I am not referring to any minister, youth minister or Sunday School teacher.  An actually dummy was a major part of my Jesus experience as I was growing up.

I attended church camp every summer from 2nd grade until  my senior year in high school. Rainbow Christian Camp was one of my favorite parts of summer and helped shape my Christian walk. It was at church camp that I made lifelong friends, made a few boyfriends, and decided to be baptized.

Some of my favorite memories of camp involved a ventriloquist dummy and his handler. For someone who hates clowns (they honestly are creepy), I’ m not sure why Gabby, the dummy, resonated with me. But I watched Rod and Gabby and often had to remind myself that Rod was the voice of both!

I recall in third grade when Rod showed all the campers how Gabby worked.  He put Gabby “to sleep”, all the while Gabby protested this move! As a 9-year-old, I was enthralled. And now, as someone a bit older than 9, I still smile when I hear Gabby. Rod and Gabby performed as recent as 2011, before Parkinson’s became a reality for Rod and a silencer for Gabby.

Rod was a missionary to what is now Zimbabwe.  He preached to thousands of kids who spent weeks at church camp.  He ministered to churches across the country. And he touched my heart with his simple message. God loves me. And there is a place in Heaven for me. Simple as that.  Whether I was a simple-minded 9-year-old at church camp.  Or an adult, who is a bit more worn down.  Heaven awaits for those who put their faith in Christ.

On this Sunday, Rod is being laid to rest. Gabby is silent. And my heart is breaking for my kids and others who won’t ever get to listen to Rod and Gabby and be told about Heaven from this great man and his dummy.

I’d encourage you to watch this video. Rod and Gabby  It will give you an idea of who Rod and Gabby were.  It made me cry.  But it reassured me there is a special seat in Heaven for this great man.  And I’m beyond grateful for having learned from him.  And I’ll miss Gabby.  Well done Rod. I know a great mansion awaits.