I’ve always wondered what we should do with our pumpkins once Halloween is over.  We don’t usually carve them.  The kids haven’t been old enough to have free reign with sharp objects yet.  And I never process them to make pumpkin because The Farmer doesn’t like pumpkin and won’t eat desserts made from it.

So normally they just get thrown in the field.  Until this year.

Last year, social media was buzzing with people writing something they are thankful for everyday during November.  We are taking it a different direction.  A bit more private.  I don’t need to tell the whole world that I’m grateful for my family or my job or my farm.  People who know me know I’m thankful.  And I get sick of reading the bragging these posts turn in to.

So my family will keep our thankfulness a bit more private.  And save our Halloween pumpkins to turn them into a Grateful Thanksgiving Pumpkin.

Each day, we will take one of our undecorated, glitter-free pumpkin and write on it.  Each family member will write one thing they are thankful for each day of November.  By the end of the month our pumpkin will be full of our thoughts.  Last year, our pumpkin was a great reflection of what The Farmer and I are trying to instil in our kids.  Values, morals, love.

What are we thankful for?  Plenty.  We will write on the pumpkin until we reach the end of the month.  If the pumpkin fills up, I still have a few more we can write on.  Because we have much to be thankful for.

If you are a 4 year old boy, girls usually have cooties and are gross.  Unless you are my Little Man.  He thinks girls are awesome.  He has an extreme fondness for one little girl in his daycare.

This little girl stopped by one day.  She has a sister the same as as my Monkey and those two had been having a sleepover.  When they arrived home, the love of my Little Man’s life told him she wanted to see a pig.  He begged The Farmer to get a pig from the barn.

And the pig arrived in the house, much to the delight of the young lady.  And my Little Man decided he would win over the heart of this young lady with his livestock.  Young love…

My Little Man has the best preschool teacher.  I know we all think our kids have the best, but honestly, his teacher is better than your kids teacher.

Why?  Mrs. Walters has taught all three of my kids for preschool.  She is fun, laughs with them, teachers them better than I ever could, Godly, and so many more reasons.  The Little Man thinks she is beautiful, so that is a big plus in his learning ability as well.

All of that to say, I’ve never had to worry about my kids when they are in her class.  They are fine.  They make friends. And I know they are loved.

Yet this picture hit me hard, right in the gut.

It’s of the entire preschool class.  And their Mom’s.  That little face on the back of the hay wagon?  That’s my Little Man.  Without his Mom.  Because Mom has a full-time job and can’t take time off for every field trip.  Or class party.  Or fundraiser handout.  Or PTO meeting.

So when this picture landed on my Facebook feed, I immediately started shedding guilty tears.  Sitting at my desk wanting to run home and scoop him up to remind him that I love him.  And that my absence didn’t mean I loved him any less than all of the other Moms who were there.

Then a friend talked me off my crazy ledge.  The Mom of another little girl in the class, who shares the same PTO nightmares I do, who has kids exactly the same age as mine and who also works full-time, married to a guy who also farms and generally shares my same crazy need to try to do it all.  She pointed out her daughter in the picture, who was sitting on the preschool teachers lap because she couldn’t go on the trip.  And reminded me that it’s ok to be absent sometimes.  That it doesn’t diminish the love we have for our kids.  That by being strong, working women, we are setting an example for our kids.  We still love them.  We just have things we have to do as well.  And bills to pay.  Farms to run and people to serve.

I know my Little Man was fine.  How?  This picture.  He’s happily playing in a bunch of straw during the field trip.  Hanging out with his buddies and having a great time.

I’m going to miss a lot of field trips.  I already have with my Panda and Monkey.  I can’t be everywhere.  I am smart enough to know that.  I tried to serve on the PTO and hated every second of it.  I learned you can’t run a PTO meeting like a board meeting and everything seems to happen during the school day.  I’ll happily send money for fundraisers, just don’t ask me to be in charge of them anymore!  I can’t volunteer in the kids classes every week, or month and at some point, my kids will likely forget their lunch and I won’t be around to take it to them.

But what they will know is that their Mom loves them.  I’ll play basketball with them in the barn lot.  I’ll read stories to them until my throat goes dry.  We’ll spend hours riding in the tractors during harvest.  I’ll be at as many sports games as possible and I’ll be the one cheering for their accomplishments and offering a hug for a loss.  I’ll spend hundreds of hours supervising 4H project completion and I won’t complain about it.  I’ll let them sleep in my bed just because they want to talk, well past their bedtime, with subjects ranging from silly to stuff that is pretty important.

That I’ll love them unconditionally.  No strings.  And the greatest gift given to me is to be their Mom.