A Missed Preschool Fieldtrip. And Lots of Tears

My Little Man has the best preschool teacher.  I know we all think our kids have the best, but honestly, his teacher is better than your kids teacher.

Why?  Mrs. Walters has taught all three of my kids for preschool.  She is fun, laughs with them, teachers them better than I ever could, Godly, and so many more reasons.  The Little Man thinks she is beautiful, so that is a big plus in his learning ability as well.

All of that to say, I’ve never had to worry about my kids when they are in her class.  They are fine.  They make friends. And I know they are loved.

Yet this picture hit me hard, right in the gut.

It’s of the entire preschool class.  And their Mom’s.  That little face on the back of the hay wagon?  That’s my Little Man.  Without his Mom.  Because Mom has a full-time job and can’t take time off for every field trip.  Or class party.  Or fundraiser handout.  Or PTO meeting.

So when this picture landed on my Facebook feed, I immediately started shedding guilty tears.  Sitting at my desk wanting to run home and scoop him up to remind him that I love him.  And that my absence didn’t mean I loved him any less than all of the other Moms who were there.

Then a friend talked me off my crazy ledge.  The Mom of another little girl in the class, who shares the same PTO nightmares I do, who has kids exactly the same age as mine and who also works full-time, married to a guy who also farms and generally shares my same crazy need to try to do it all.  She pointed out her daughter in the picture, who was sitting on the preschool teachers lap because she couldn’t go on the trip.  And reminded me that it’s ok to be absent sometimes.  That it doesn’t diminish the love we have for our kids.  That by being strong, working women, we are setting an example for our kids.  We still love them.  We just have things we have to do as well.  And bills to pay.  Farms to run and people to serve.

I know my Little Man was fine.  How?  This picture.  He’s happily playing in a bunch of straw during the field trip.  Hanging out with his buddies and having a great time.

I’m going to miss a lot of field trips.  I already have with my Panda and Monkey.  I can’t be everywhere.  I am smart enough to know that.  I tried to serve on the PTO and hated every second of it.  I learned you can’t run a PTO meeting like a board meeting and everything seems to happen during the school day.  I’ll happily send money for fundraisers, just don’t ask me to be in charge of them anymore!  I can’t volunteer in the kids classes every week, or month and at some point, my kids will likely forget their lunch and I won’t be around to take it to them.

But what they will know is that their Mom loves them.  I’ll play basketball with them in the barn lot.  I’ll read stories to them until my throat goes dry.  We’ll spend hours riding in the tractors during harvest.  I’ll be at as many sports games as possible and I’ll be the one cheering for their accomplishments and offering a hug for a loss.  I’ll spend hundreds of hours supervising 4H project completion and I won’t complain about it.  I’ll let them sleep in my bed just because they want to talk, well past their bedtime, with subjects ranging from silly to stuff that is pretty important.

That I’ll love them unconditionally.  No strings.  And the greatest gift given to me is to be their Mom.