I have lied. I am a fraud. I was supposed to write bout a new piece of technology that I was using on my runs, but since I haven’t run all week, and I’ve been eating poorly to add to my misery, I felt like a fraud even considering that post.
I was doing great in the healthy eating and exercise lifestyle that for so long has been my struggle. And then life hit, HARD. It has been two solid weeks of stress, insane work deadlines and projects, extra cold mornings and sadness. I feel like I have fallen down and can’t find my feet right now.
I am not a failure. Except I feel like I am. I don’t understand how I can be surrounded by skinny chicks, who appear to only workout and never eat and must have it all figured out. They don’t look stress or gain 10 pounds just by eating 1…or 2….or maybe 3 cookies.
I don’t care if I run fast. I’ll never break any land speed records or beat a Kenyan in a mini-marathon. But running is my time. And by the empty feeling I have inside, I need to run because I need some quiet time.
The past two weeks have put enough pressure on me to change me from a lump of coal to a diamond. I am desperately trying to do more listening and less talking. It is a nearly impossible feat for someone who spent her first career as a radio, TV and print journalist. I like to talk. But I’m trying to be still and listen. Really listen. Not just do lip service in asking how someone is and not really caring. And I’m trying to listen to God. And here’s what I keep hearing…
Oh boy. I think God is talking to me. I wish He would just send me running three miles down the road and back. The other bible verse that keeps reoccurring in my head the past week is one I memorized along time ago.
\I don’t know what race is marked out for me, but I pray God is beside me as I figure it out.
And I think I should start praying to God that He help me get back on a straight path. That I’m more energetic in the early morning, cold hours, to run.
There is a goal I should be training for. It’s the same goal I have every year and the same race I’ve done at least 12 times, missing only once when I was 6 months pregnant. I’m not one of those cuties who can run fast while pregnant. I don’t run fast when I’m not pregnant. So there was no way I was doing 13.1 miles while pregnant.
So for this week, I just need a goal to run and eat better. And not be a fraud.
A fraud would lie to us and say she did something she didn’t do… what you are is human and life happens. It takes guts to share what you shared and frauds lack the courage to tell the truth. The truth is always helpful even though it is hard to admit at times. Your honesty will help others, that I am sure of. Here’s to a new week and new opportunities!
Jeanette, I know exactly what you are feeling, or at good idea anyway, but you are not a fraud! You are a mom, a wife, a business woman, a volunteer, and THEN you get to be you. BALANCE is going to be my word for 2013, but I will gladly share it with you. I truly do not believe any one can “have it ALL” unless each person selects a very short list of what “ALL” includes. Keep doing your absolute best, and when you can, say, “Sorry, not right now, I have to run” Figuratively and literally!
I ate a leftover chocolate brownie with carmel icing and pecans for breakfast and to top it off I licked the carmel icing and pecans off a second brownie! You are leaps and bounds ahead of me in the healthy living dept. And you may not of run this week but I haven’t run since high school gym class and that was only because they made me!
Chin up buttercup your doing great!
I hear you… I ate an entire box of chocolates by myself to start off the new year… oops. 😉 (Farmer Doc still hasn’t realized they are missing…) We all hit these walls sometimes – it’s part of this crazy life we lead. Enjoy what you can, when you can, and take baby steps. You’ve got a bunch of cheerleaders!